This should stop me from dying

Doing this in place of writing anything. Just thought it was interesting.

Current TV recently broadcast over 5 weeks the top 50 Documentaries To See Before You Die. I wish they spent more time on each documentary but I guess that's how list shows go anyway. Never enough.

The top 50 are as follows:

50. Spellbound (2002)
 - loved it, but then again I love spelling. Geek.

49. Truth or Dare (1991)
 - love her music, can't stand her as a person

48. The Kid Stays in the Picture (2002)


47. One Day in September (1999)


46. Little Dieter Needs to Fly (1998)


45. The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (1988)
 - up in the air about seeing this. Already have seen Rock of Love on VH1

44. Burma VJ (2008)


43. When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts (2006)


42. Catfish (2010)
 - this I loved! Went in thinking it was going to be a horror film! NIce surprise!

41. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007)
 - the main character is/was an ass

40. When We Were Kings (1996)
 - hate boxing

39. Biggie & Tupac (2002)
 - hate thug rap anyway

38. March of the Penguins (2005)
 - so freakin' cute, sad, awe-inspiring

37. Inside Job (2010)


36. Taxi to the Dark Side (2007)


35. Paragraph 175 (2000)
 - sad

34. Brother’s Keeper (1992)


33. Tongues Untied (1989)


32. Dogtown and Z-Boys (2001)


31. Jesus Camp (2006)
 - scary mind-control

30. Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
 - MIchael Moore can do no wrong in my book

29. Man on Wire (2008)
 - even with my fear of heights

28. Gasland (2010)


27. Tarnation (2003)
 - freak

26. Murderball (2005)


25. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)


24. Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (1996)


23. The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2000)
 - love me some Tammy Faye

22. Shut Up & Sing (2006)
 - eh, I read enough through the whole debacle

21. Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)
 - the guys sounds like an ass from the trailer

20. Capturing the Friedmans (2003)
 - loved it! Creepy but love character pieces like this.

19. Touching the Void (2003)


18. Food, Inc. (2008)
 - and still I'm a carnivore

17. Street Fight (2005)


16. Bus 174 (2002)


15. Crumb (1994)


14. Dark Days (2000)


13. The Fog of War (2003)


12. Bowling for Columbine (2002) - another Michael Moore masterpiece

11. Paris Is Burning (1991)
 - have seen it a few times

10. Grizzly Man (2005) - guy's a freak

9. Trouble the Water (2008)


8. An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
 - mentally drained after seeing this a few weeks ago

7. The Celluloid Closet (1995)
 - surprised I haven't seen this yet

6. The War Room (1993)


5. Supersize Me (2004)
 - love me some Morgan Spurlock. And love me some McDonalds

4. Waltz With Bashir (2008)


3. Roger & Me (1989)
 - Seriously, it's Michael Moore

2. The Thin Blue Line (1988)


1. Hoop Dreams (1994) - yet I hate basketball

Key:

Want to see Don't want to see Have seen

Traditional: Aluminum / Modern: Diamond Jewelry / Me: Bacon

May 2001

I was at my old job on hold with Verizon. That's what one does as office manager. Get problems solved. Listening to some screechy muzak. Decided I'll go on to Planetout.com and peruse the new ads. I come across this photo (image to the left is not the actual picture but damn near close) of the CUTEST – hell, maybe even the HANDSOMEST – guy I've seen in a long time. That smile I'd kill for. Those beautiful big brown eyes. He's moving here (to DC) straight outta college. Crap, that means he's young. Like, really young. Oh well, I'll still be nice and write him to say hello. I'm good like that.

I tell him first and foremost I am in NO WAY hitting on him... way too old. But if he needs any help getting acclimated to DC I've lived here a while so could show him around. Not sure if he knows anyone here but just putting it out there. Again, I'm NOT hitting on him. But yeah, you are a really, really good looking guy. Send. Good lord I'm a freak.

I get a response. I don't remember it exactly BUT it was positive for we spoke on the phone for a couple of weeks. Loved talking to him but that could have just been the getting-to know-you-getting-to know-all-about-you newness. Nope, I really liked talking to him. Simmer down, Jeff. Made plans to meet soon when he'd come down from New Jersey to go apartment hunting. Cool. I'll be here. “Indifference”

The day came to meet and I was a mess. Why? We were just meeting to say hello. No more, no less. Set up a time to meet. Okay, I'll there. Oops, I wasn't there. I'm coming, I'm coming. Oh wait, I haven't even left the house yet. Nerves were getting the best of me. I'm looking at the clock on my wall. I should have been in Dupont 5 minutes yet here I am still at home, in Capitol Hill. Get yourself together, Jeff.. he's just a guy. I leave.

Walk down the street towards the coffee internet place and there he is. My god.. he's really attractive. Apologize profusely. Internally thinking, dude, you should have just left. I'm a freak. Not wrapped too tight. Instead he just smiles (THAT SMILE!!!!) and says all is forgiven. Maybe he sees the fear and trepidation radiating off of me. Oh well. Since this isn't a date we head into JRs to hang and drink and talk. I thought I was gonna talk. What is it about this guy that's making me all discombobulated. Very rarely have a hard time talking to guys. I'm sucking at the small talk but dammit I will not bring up the weather. Whew.. Faygele Feud's going on which means more viewing, less chit-chat. Again, whew! I am enjoying myself though.

So, it's time to head home. Work in the morning. Umm.. not sure what you're plans are but you could stay at my place. I'm pretty sure he immediately says yes. Free lodging for the night, of course he does. Next challenge: he drives so I have to get him from JRs to Capitol Hill with my extensive knowledge of directions. I'm being facetious. I get lost coming in and out of buildings. I could go into a building for a second, come out and forget which way from whence I came. Dork. Oh well, we'll be jolly good friends. Not like this was a date anyway. Just some older guy helping out when he can. I'm certain this will be the last I see of him anyway. Not really coming across as well-adjusted. Referring to me of course. I mean I think I'm cute and all but hell, I sometimes get tired of hanging around my dimwitted self. Well, someone was looking out for me because we managed to get to my place in a relatively short time. And I haven't been thrown out of the car.

For not hardly talking earlier in the evening I'm making up for lost time between getting out of the car and getting to the door. I'm pretty sure I manage to reveal absolutely little thing wrong with the apartment. Seriously, Jeff, shut the hell up. The apartment was clean and it really wasn't in bad shape. In my head I think I lived in Jed Clampett's old place.

Well, we hang out.. watch some TV. Yeah, the madness of TV watching started early. I'm comfortable and all I know is I want to kiss this guy. So I do it. It's reciprocated. Veddy nice. Veddy nice. Making out goes on for some time. Now it's late and I really do have to get to bed. Work comes early. So we go to bed. To sleep. Well, some more kissing first. Zzzzzzz. Snore.

I wake up and decide to run down 2-3 blocks away and get some doughnuts at the 7-11 for this guy I just met. Again, I'm good like that. Leave them on the nightstand and leave a note telling him he can stay there today as long as he needs to. I almost write thanking him for not killing me. But I wise up. I almost write thanking him for not robbing me while I'm at work. But I wise up. Don't want to put any ideas in his head. Plus, I look around – what in the hell is there to steal? My 1,700 music cassettes? I'm off to work.

I'm guessing that was a date after all. Our third date? Home Depot. I need some stuff to take care of the kitchen. I don't drive. He did. Would he be so kind? I'm sure I didn't say it like that but damn near close.

He's done his apartment-hunting and heads back to New Jersey. I'm thinking, I really really really like this guy. And I really want to get to know everything about him. And I want to start sharing experiences with him. Soooooo... I break it off with the other 2 guys I was seeing at the time. They weren't serious bf material – both less than a month. I knew this once I met Dan. Not saying Dan was “the one” (yet) but I knew they weren't.

A week or so later I broke it to him. I let him know I was very much into him and had no desire to see anyone else. Wouldn't ask that of him but just putting it out there that that's where I stood. He felt the same. Woo hoo!!!

And THAT was 10 years ago today. Wow. I won't deny we've had our ups and downs – maybe even broke up 2-3 times at the beginning. He had his issues, of course, but I'm a true nutcase. He also loves to make me aware, from time to time, that he “gave me his 20's.” Of which I'll forever be grateful. But unlike anyone I've ever known I love this guy so much. Truly my best friend. I'm enjoying growing old(er) with him. I could go on and on but don't wanna get too sappy. We hate sappy. Just keep in mind that the day NY gays are allowed to get married I want to go there with you, Dan. You know our wedding would kick non-conventional ass. :)

Happy 10^th Mister Calamari!!! xoxoxo

Google-Mapped: The College Years - Part 1

So many months ago I decided to Google-Map everywhere I've lived since birth. Alas, GM hasn't tackled Havre de Grace just yet so it looks like GM only knows of my humble abodes from college on.

While my memory is still intact I'm going to attempt to share some memories/thoughts of each place I've lived. Of experiences that occurred while inside that domicile.

STEVENSON LANE (Towson, MD)

Freshman year at Towson (State) University. To this day I wish I lived at least one semester on campus.

Lived with a Craig, Jim, and a Cheryl. Craig owned the house - I barely remember him. Cheryl I don't remember at all – just her face. Jim, ugh, I remember.

Lived in the (finished) basement. Wood paneling! Woo hoo!! And i'm serious.

I had spoken to family off and on about needing a typewriter for school papers. God love it, my grandparents, on their first trip down to visit me brought me one. Mind you it was a typewriter from, I think, the 1940's. Did I care? Nope. Hunters-and-peckers can't be choosy. Plus I thought it was cool when I handed in papers. Would always get a second or third look from the professor.

Hated asking family for money. And didn't even think about working. Couldn't actually – was completing all 6 crews in the theater dept in 2 semesters. Which isn't normal but I had minimal social life so I figured what the heck. Anyway, no money so I tended to ummm “borrow” food from my roommates. Some I got away with but not... the milk. Jim's milk. And he wasn't a friendly person in the first place. When confronted I'd deny that it was me. How he figured out his milk was disappearing I didn't know. That is until he told me he started marking a line on the milk container every time he was finished. Did I stop? Nope. I would just fill to the line with water what I drank of the milk. I guess my conscience got the better of me, though. While I never told Jim it was me I told my parents I really needed food money. So I got a check every 2 weeks. Being a welfare kid I was pretty good about budgeting my money so never really ate anybody else's food there again. Wait, do desserts count?

My worst experience with Jim happened 2^nd semester. I was a big-time snooper. One day while looking under his mattress I found some porn. Straight porn. I was straight back then. Seriously. You calling me a liar? I looked at it. Just looked. Nothing more. Simply 'cause I didn't do “that” back then. Seriously. Not until I was 20 or something but I digress. Anyway, was pretty good about putting things away where I found them and not getting caught. UNTIL. I had come home from school and no one had been home for a while so figured I'd venture my way up to Jim's room. Opened the door and turned on the light. Jim's girlfriend, Queenie, screamed like no one's business. I apologized, slammed the door shut and went down to my room. Later that night Jim asked me what I was doing in his room. I lied and said I'd heard noises coming from upstairs so I was checking everyone's rooms. He seemed like he believed me but who knows. Barely talked to me the rest of my time at the house.

I made sure classes were done by 3:30 each day so I could hurry home to watch Dancin' on Air (based out of NJ) at 4pm on Channel 17. Our generation's American Bandstand.

Oh, and I also watched Kids Incorporated faithfully. Don't judge.

I made the mistake the of leaving a plastic bowl in the basin next to the washer before heading off to school one day. Oh, and I used the washer before I left as well. Didn't realize said bowl would cover the hole of basin thus not allowing washer water to drain properly. Came home to a partially flooded basement. The part that wasn't my bedroom. The part where everyone stored boxes and such. This was a month into living there. Surprisingly, I wasn't kicked out. My 135-pound self had no problem with crying on cue to get me out of sticky situations.

EXTRA! EXTRA!

I had the privilege of being a movie extra this past week for 2 nights – 13.5 hours Monday night and 10 hours Tuesday night.

These are my thoughts and observations of those nights.

Garry Marshall films shouldn't exist. They cater to the lowest common denominator. As my bf, Dan, so eloquently put it – he's the Applebee's of directors. Maybe I'm still mad at him for screwing up “Exit to Eden” as bad as he did.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to get headshots taken. Damn shame I haven't found out how to take a decent picture. Hate my smile, or lack thereof. For some reason the majority of pictures taken of me make me look like white trash. Or my right eye “dies” mid-flash. And these big-ass cheeks make my face look funny. If I ever win the lottery big (well, it would help if I played it) I would get all new teeth and have my cheeks deflated. But, yeah, I need to perfect a smile and get headshots. I miss acting. Damn my insecurities!

I've never been a participator of New Year's Eve festivities anyway but to spend a good portion of the evening reenacting New Year's Eve in Times Square? Over and over again? Miming cheers. Screaming and cheering. Miming cheers. Counting down. Miming cheers. Wiped me out.. haven't acted that hard in ages.

I think for every 10 people I meet in life I like 1 of them and can tolerate, maybe, 3 of them. One of the few people I did meet and loved talking to? We were split up to go film different scenes and, unfortunately, our paths never crossed again. There were at least 800+ extras. And I never got her name. I'm really bad about introducing myself.

I'm extremely grateful for the socks Dan knitted me. I only wish I would have worn them the first night as well.

For the most part Jon Bon Jovi's music does nothing for me so that was interesting having to dance to his music in a pretty cramped setting. I decided to go the apathetic route and move minimally – after all I'm pretty certain in real life not everyone out on NYE is gonna be into a certain artist. I'm all about the realism.

Watching old people dance to Jon Bon Jovi is interesting.

Oh and I lucked out. Managed to avoid wearing the Nivea “fun” hats and carrying the Nivea “fun” balloons the whole time. Sweet.

Seriously, we're in a crowded setting and you're gonna light up just because we're on a little break? Oh wait, I just saw you're missing a few teeth and you have some nasty-ass sallow skin. That explains it. God I hate smoking.

I'm a freak. Not sure what prompts me at times to actually tell people what I'm thinking. There was this girl who was talking to her friends. Then she was alone. I decide to approach her and remark “Okay, you're gonna think I'm weird but just had to tell you you have a great look. Not hitting on you because I'm gay. Just think you're cute as hell. And the outfit on you – well, you're just put together very nicely. Okay, I'm gonna shut up and walk over there. Hope you're having a good time.” And then I walk away – making NO eye contact whatsoever again with her. I'm a freak I tell ya.

Hillary Swank is really pretty in person.

Wish someone was taping me/my face when I realized what kind of scene we were doing at one point. New Year's Eve ball stops dropping, interrupted by a main character's speech on a big monitor. We in the crowd are wondering what in the hell is going on. The speech goes on we're taking in every word. Come the end of it we're applauding it. Not that it's the end but we're proud of what she's said. Yeah, it's one of THOSE films. I can't stand films where a character imposes himself and his thought on a crowd. Again, lowest common denominator. Damn you, Garry Marshall!!

Much like I think it's mandatory everyone in the US should have Health Care I think everyone should have V05 Treatments, if needed.

Was making me mad when people would say “Yeah, but it's hard when you're directing 600 people.” No, no it isn't. One or 600, when you're told to stop talking you need to stop talking. One or 600, when you're told to walk to this spot you've obviously heard because you are walking only to stop and talk to a friend. I don't get it.

Craft Service food was pretty good. The stuff I ate at least.

I so wanted to see Sophia Vergera in person. I've got a mad 5-on-the-Kinsey-Scale crush on her.

To those who wondered why we couldn't be filming in the Summer? Really, you want to be wearing coats, scarves, gloves in NYC Summer heat? I didn't think so.

I'm now gonna pay attention to crowd scenes more often. Should be fun spotting the same people over and over again. Just in different settings.

Must get my ass over to Central Casting next Friday.

And the Oscar goes to?

No commentary. Haven't even seen all the films, actually. Just doing this for fun. That being said - Day & Night better win!

PICTURE The King's Speech WON!

ACTOR Colin Firth – The King's Speech WON!

SUPPORTING ACTOR Christian Bale – The Fighter WON!

ACTRESS Michelle Williams – Blue Valentine

Natalie Portman - Black Swan WON!

SUPPORTING ACTRESS Melissa Leo – The Fighter WON!

DIRECTOR Darren Aronofsky – Black Swan

Tom Hooper - The King's Speech WON!

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE Restropo

Inside Job WON!

DOCUMENTARY SHORT The Warriors of Quigang

Strangers No More WON!

ANIMATED FEATURE Toy Story 3 WON!

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM Biutiful

In a Better World WON!

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Christopher Nolan - Inception

The King's Speech WON!

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Aaron Sorkin – The Social Network WON!

CINEMATOGRAPHY Black Swan

Inception WON!

MAKEUP The Wolfman WON!

ART DIRECTION Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Alice in Wonderland WON!

ANIMATED SHORT FILM Day & Night

The Lost Thing WON!

LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM Wish 143

God of Love WON!

VISUAL EFFECTS Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Inception WON!

COSTUME DESIGN Alice in Wonderland WON!

FILM EDITING Black Swan

The Social Network WON!

SOUND MIXING Inception WON!

SOUND EDITING Inception WON!

ORIGINAL SCORE Inception

The Social Network WON!

ORIGINAL SONG "I See the Light” - Tangled

"We Belong Together" - Toy Story 3 WON!

Perspectives of an Inactive Dweeb (part 2)

More writing from my late teens/early 20s. Continue to be amazed by:

An Evening of Sexual Intercourse with Reality

ACT 1

Setting: A dimly lit McDonalds

Time: 6:02 p.m.

SHE: (blowing smoke into HIS face):

Do you know what that means?

ACT 2

Setting: Same as ACT 1

Time: A second later

HE:

Yeah, it means I'm going to throw up if you don't stop!

THE END

and...

Bedside Insanity

Qadaffi's alive.

G.I. Joe's gotten smaller.

Quadaffi's still alive.

Boo Berry's aren't to be found in any store.

Kadaffi... yep, he's still alive.

Fats Domino's not getting any younger.

Gadaffy still lives.

Jason lives - another new beginning.

Codaphi's alive and well,

And I'm still waking up in the middle of the night

making love to my pillow.

Perspectives of an Inactive Dweeb

Perspectives of an Inactive Dweeb. THIS is the (appropriately named) folder I came upon this weekend of writing from my late teens/early 20s.

I present you with:

In the Waiting Room

I fell in love with you.

O.K., so maybe it was lust, but no matter what it was, it felt good. I even knew you had a boyfriend but something in me didn't give a shit. I saw the way he treated you and knew that wasn't how you were to be treated. Not a day went by when I didn't see you two arguing, usually resulting with you crying and him walking away. Still you stayed with him even when I promised you more of my love than he could even supply.

"Wait" was the reply so "wait" was what I did. I "waited" when I saw your smile everyday at school. I "waited" whenever someone mentioned your name. I "waited" myself to sleep remembering the night we made love four times in a row. I "waited" so long, it almost killed me.

So I left, because, to tell the God's honest truth, I was tired of reading the same issue of Life over and over again.

and:

Illusions of a Rainbow

Remember Every Dream.

Once, Remember A Neon-Glowing Eroticism.

You're Even Lovely Laughing. Our World

Grew Richer Each & Every Night.

But Love's Useless; Eats

Insides, Never Dies, Is Growing Old.

Violence Is Our Language. Eternally Troubled.