Monday, April 27, 2009

If you're gonna do it, shut up and do it already!

Monday @ 5:05pm

Prefacing all by saying my allergy headache is killing me.

I'm out on Riverside Drive walking Marcy and Ted. Marcy's already "number 2'd." Her excrement has been bagged and i'm holding said bag while Ted is doing his thing at the moment.  A pretty big black truck drives by.

Guy in truck: Pick up your dog's shit, asshole!

Not really think but acting on reaction I flip the bird. Immature, I know but harmless.

As I'm picking up Ted's "number 2" the truck backs up in front of me.

Guy #1: What the fuck was that?
Me: What?
Guy #1: You give me the finger?
Me: Yeah
Guy #1: Why?
Me: Why'd YOU call me an asshole?
Guy #1: You weren't picking up after your dog.
Me: Serious? What did I have in my hand at the time you made your outburst? Huh? A bag filled with on of my dog's crap. So OBVIOUSLY I do clean up after them. Also, not sure if you're even aware but my dog was squatting and doing his thing as you drove by. I like to actually wait til he's done before I actually start picking it up. Not really the kind to put the bag under my dog's ass while he craps.
Guy #2: You a smartass or something? Looking to get your ass kicked?
Me:  Well, why'd you call me an asshole? Dude, if you're gonna kick my ass for absolutely no reason, shut up and do it already. 
Guy #1: Excuse me?
Me: Not gonna repeat myself. I didn't do anything. If you feel the need to prove you're "the shit"
       to the people standing over there or if you just thought you were being funny, then kick.              my. ass. You're the man. Just get it over with.

Mind you, my crazy face and voice have taken over which I think Ted picks up on because he starts growling and barking at the the 3 guys (who haven't gotten out of the truck yet).

Guy #1: That dog bite?
Me: Yeah. He bites!
Guy #3: You think you're tough because of the dog?
Me: No! I don't think I'm tough at all. Never said I was. Did I say I was? Just get tired of ass... Good Lord I. Wasn't. Doing. Anything. But walking my dogs. When you felt the need to call me an asshole and "put me in my place." That shit doesn't work with me anymore. So again, if you're gonna kick my ass like you said you were then do it. If not I need to get home and feed the dogs.

Mind you, the last paragraph is not verbatim but is loud. Incomplete sentences and I am seething.

Guy #1: Jesus, faggot. Calm down.
Me: (Something along the lines of) AARGGGH... or GWAARRGH

They drive off.


I hate machismo. I hate bullying. Didn't take it from my older brother and not taking it from anyone else.


  1. Jeff, you are my hero! I hate machismo bullies.

    I'm glad you included the link to this blog. You're a great writer. Just read the post about your dad. So sorry for your loss and the rough times you have had over this. I hope you get to know your sister -- and any other Siperlys out there. Lots of love to you.

  2. Damn! I wanted to say you're my hero. Great comeback to those douchebags.