Hope Springs Nocturnal: A Play in One Act

Hope Springs Eternal:

A Play in One Act

by Jeff Siperly

Characters: Don, 35, handsome, bearish Italian

                   Jess, 49, gets by with his looks

Setting: Interior, bedroom

Time: Oh, about 2:19am

*************************************************************************

Don. (Sleeping hard, facing the closet)

Mkmmmmkkch...k... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...k... Nknnnchnnnn... Zzzzzzzzz

(Jess, who's partially an insomniac, has fallen asleep maybe 30 minutes prior is facing the window. Rolls over to prepare to pinch Don's nose to stop incessant snoring and assorted mouth noises)

(As soon as movement is made Don rolls over and attempts to mount Jess. Proceeds to forcefully kiss him)

Don.

Oh, you make me so happy. I love you so damn much.

         

(Don gets off of Jess and rolls over to face the closet once again.)

Don.

Mkmmmmkkch...k... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...k... Nknnnchnnnn... Zzzzzzzzz

(Jess stares up at ceiling wondering what the hell just happened.

THE END

*******************************************************************************

Length of play: My guess is maybe 15-20 seconds.

This is just a play. Not based on anything... at all.

Names have still been changed to protect the innocent. 

What, then an afterbirth mint?

So, us background actors are on break from working on a film. I'm talking with a friend of mine about this and that. The topic of food and cooking comes up - we discuss our favorite dishes to make. I talk about how I make a mean loaf of bread. Her thing is lasagna. A girl, known for busting into many a group's talks and talking about herself, standing nearby decides to enter into our conversation and then this happens:

Girl (excitedly): I made a really good mushroom placenta the other night.

Me: Hmm... interesting. Where'd you get it from?

Girl: From Whole Foods.

Me: The mushrooms, sure, but where'd you get the other stuff?

Girl (getting snippy): I said Whole Foods.

Me: When'd they start selling that?

Girl: Um, like, forever.

Me: I don't know, I'm pretty sure they don't sell that at Whole Foods. Not sure even a specialty store would sell that.

Girl (getting testy): Um, I'm pretty sure I know what I bought. Were you there??

Me: Nope. But I'm pretty sure you didn't make placenta.

Girl: Do you even know what it is?

Me: Yep, I know what placenta is. Let me google that word for you and see if YOU know what it is.

Girl: Huh?

Me: While I'm also gonna google the word "polenta" and see if that's possibly what you made the other night.

Girl: (sound of crickets chirping - then she exits stage left)

END SCENE

Mind. Terrible thing. Waste. Yadda Yadda.

On a courtesy bus to go to just above the Bronx to film a TV show.

The production assistant is checking to make sure who's on the bus so far.  Apologizes in advance if he messes up any names. Which he does. Many times. Gets to my name.

"Jeff Snerry?"
"Do you mean Jeff Siperly?"
He then looks at list again and says "Jeff Spierly."
"It's Jeff Siperly and I'm here."
"I told you I was going to mess up names. Sorry about that. Mom told me to go to college. I should have listened." and laughs.

Um, reading (and sounding out letters)

was taught in elementary school.

I'm the waiter - at 22 seconds

This played on ESPN First Take June 13, 2012

My first commercial gig!! And I got paid! And I got some serious face time!!


Having a "feeling-really-good-about-me" day. Only because of having many recent years feeling anti-me. Lost the old Jeff. It feels like I'm finally getting my stuff together. This acting thing might actually work out for me. 


Fingers crossed.


PS - To get a better understanding of above here is what the commercial is spoofing.

Toot Toot, Beep Beep, RIP

Just woke up from a much-needed nap to another RIP - Miss Donna Summer. Waaaahh!!


1) Saw her 2 summers ago performing here in Brooklyn. In spite of the trashy, are-you-really-fighting-in-public-while-Donna-Summer-is-singing public (of course this what happens when concerts are free) she put on a great show. Voice was in fine form. While I had most of her greatest hits already on mp3s already, immediately bought up 4 of her songs from Crayons on iTunes upon arriving home.

2) 7th grade. I was in a church youth group. We were on an outing in December to I forget where (I'm thinking it was a street in Pennsylvania (?) with elaborate Christmas decorations) but it was raining so we went to a mall instead. Everybody else is buying clothing, jewelry from Claire's and who knows what else. Me, I had to feed my addiction of music. Everyone's showing their purchases to the youth group leader. As usual, quiet me is last. I first pull out a little wooden plaque describing what the attributes of a Taurus is. Oops. Apparently a Non-Denominational Christian isn't to be believe in astrology. Um, okay. So, what else dod I have in my bag? Ahhhh.. Donna Summer's Bad Girls album. The one with DS as a hooker on the front and assorted other hookers on the front and back. Ooh, did I get chastised on that bus. Non-Denominational Christians really don't approve of this. And I should tell my parents when I get home of what I did and then destroy the record.


Whether I just didn't understand or the fact I really have never cared for authority telling me how to live my life I went home and played the hell out of that album. Excuse me, double album! Hot stuff, indeed! Oh, and I told my parents as well and my mom, being a lover of good music played the hell out of that album as well. 


That's all. Just 2 great memories of a great singer. I shall dim all the lights but there will be no more tears.

You will be missed. 

In the Shallow Pool with: The Bob Newhart Show

• Another show I watched pretty much faithfully as a child, which I now question why. Didn't find it as funny this go-around.

• Bob Newhart's acting was subpar. Or maybe I just found his character unlikeable after all these years.

• Why in the hell was Emily (Suzanne Pleshette) married to Bob? He always had this superiority complex. Also came across as having a permanent stick up his ass.

• Love the theme song. One of my top 10 faves.

• Would have been a very happy camper living in both apartments but preferred the one they occupied the first 5 seasons.

• Didn't care for most of their furniture, except for their bookshelves and wall units.

• Jerry (the dentist) was a weak character and got probably the worst lines of the show.

• Howard Borden (next door neighbor) on the other hand, was a really funny character. Well played by Bill Daily. Knew how to play dumb/aloof perfectly. I aspire to be like him.

• When I was young I had a thing for Suzanne Pleshette/Emily. Loved her voice. Now? I realize it was a serious smoker's voice going on which is soooo not attractive or sexy. An almost Eillen Heckart quality to it. IMDB'd to see how she died. Surprise, surprise: Respiratory failure as a result of lung cancer. Ugh. Still loved the character of Emily, though.

That's all I have... on to the last season of The Mary Tyler Moore Show

In the Shallow Pool with: Anna Karenina

• This book was 819 pages. Could have been 600, if that.

• Never have I read a book that made me so angry. So I guess it was a good book.

• I pretty much hated everyone.

• This story would have been a lot different if Zoloft was readily available back then.

• I have reached my capacity of hearing the word “magnanimous/magnanimity” in my lifetime.

• The book's called Anna Karenina. Not Levin. Get rid of Part 8. Or cut it down by 20 pages.

• I couldn't wait for Anna to die. Was let down that other characters didn't die as well.

• It seemed like the majority of characters were always blushing. Even the men. I'd say that was gay but that's not PC. Oh screw it, it was gay.

• The characters were always pitying each other. That shit got old really fast.

• Don't tell me in the introduction that Anna's going to kill herself. Not everyone knows the story.

• I can't wait to see a film version of this. Will be interesting to hear the dialogue spoken without the venom I was reading it with. Although I really don't see Keira Knightly as Anna. Too damn skinny.

• I felt no compassion for Anna at any point in the book. Woman, YOU had the affair. Yeah, Vronsky pursued you but you could have said No! Of course people are going to look down at you.

• Reading about rich people (high society folk) makes me sick.

• I'm glad I wasn't around during this time. Really glad I wasn't a woman during this time.

• I hate that I identified with Anna in some ways. That kind of disturbs me.

That's all I have... now on to Madame Bovary.